How to find out if an old friend has passed away
When you have lost touch with someone, a quiet worry can set in. This guide explains, step by step, how to check respectfully. It is written with Canada in mind.
Gather what you know
A name alone is rarely enough. Before you search, write down what you remember.
- Their full name, including a middle name if you know it.
- A maiden name or former name.
- The town or city where they last lived.
- Roughly how old they would be now.
- The names of their husband or wife and their children.
Where notices are published
In Canada, a death is usually announced by the family in one or more of these places.
- Funeral home websites. Most funeral homes publish a notice for each family they serve, often with details of the service. If you know the town, look at the funeral homes there first.
- Local newspapers. Many papers still run obituaries, in print and online.
- Online memorial sites. Some websites gather notices from many funeral homes and newspapers, which helps when you are unsure of the town.
A simple web search works well. Type the person's full name, their town and the word obituary. Try the maiden name too.
Ask someone who would know
A mutual friend, a relative, a former colleague, or the office of a church, club, union or alumni association can often tell you more in one phone call than an hour of searching. Say who you are and why you are asking. People are usually glad to help.
Be sure it is the right person
Many people share a name. Before you believe a notice is about your friend, check several details against what you know: their age, their town, the names of family members, where they worked or worshipped. If one detail does not fit, keep looking or ask someone. A matching name is not proof.
What a search cannot tell you
Not every death is announced. Some families choose not to publish a notice, and some notices appear only in a small local paper. Finding nothing does not mean your friend is alive and well. It only means you have not found a notice.
Official death records are kept by provincial and territorial offices, and access is generally limited to close family or to records that are many years old. For most people, published notices and mutual friends are the practical route.
If you find a notice
Read it through. It will usually name the family and give details of any service, or of a charity the family has chosen. If your friend has died, you may wish to write to their husband, wife or children. If the notice is about your friend's husband or wife, our guide on what to say to an old friend whose husband or wife has died can help.
If you would rather not keep searching
Checking again and again is a heavy habit. We are building Remember in Touch so that you do not have to. You keep a private list of the people you care about on your iPhone, and the app will let you know quietly if a public notice may concern someone close to them. Those alerts are in development and not switched on yet.
Join the iPhone beta
Remember in Touch is free and now in beta. Leave your email address and we will send you an invite.